helikedmyshoes: (bsg + laughter is the best medicine)
Hmm.

I feel like I should update, but I don't really have anything to report. The hot days of summer are melting away into the dog days of summer and I'm just not ready for this to be over. I love summer, I love the heat and the humidity and the sun and late nights drinking wine on the deck and being able to just walk out the door by slipping my feet into my flip flops and my finger into my key ring.

I am not ready for fall. It was mostly dark when I left class last night at 8, and it hit me that it's only going to get worse from here on out. Soon I'll be heading to class in the dark. Maybe that's why winter always seems so long, because I exist so much in darkness.

I'll certainly be busy this fall, though. I've got my photography class on Wednesdays from 1-4 starting September 15th and going to the end of October, and pole on Wednesdays from 6-8. I'm waiting on my schedule from work, I don't think it's changing a whole lot but my Saturday shift may be moved earlier. I've got a wedding in DC on September 11th which will be a blast, Adam and all our friends will be there so it'll be three days of partying in a hotel and drinking too much and getting to play dress up. I've got another wedding on October 11th, one of my best friends from college, which means I finally have no excuse not to get to NYC for a few days. I plan to be there from Sunday to Wednesday, it's been 2 years since I've been to the city to see my friends so I pretty much cannot wait for that. I should look into tickets...

Aside from that, I hope photography will take up a lot of time, and I'd really like to read those things they call books again. I'm working my way through Eat Pray Love and thoroughly enjoying it. Adam lent me Stephen Fry's The Hippopotamus, so maybe I'll read that next.

I want an iPad. I want a lot of things, actually. I've been pretty bad with money lately...spent a ton on makeup at Sephora, bought new clothes from Guess (they were having a sale! :D), bought my pole (!!!!). There's also a new lens for my camera that I want, a 50mm, and Urban Decay is coming out with a new Book of Shadows (I am a tad bit obsessed with makeup lately. I've been watching videos on YouTube and everything). Plus it's my sister's birthday coming up, and my mom's, and then my parents' anniversary, and then my birthday...September is a very expensive month in my family.

So yes, I did in fact buy my pole. It shipped out on Wednesday, apparently. I'm a little worried now though because I didn't actually check for support beams in the ceiling first, so I hope that I can get access to a ladder (waiting on the landlord for that) and figure that out in the next few days. It would be pretty tragic if I bought the pole and then couldn't actually put it up. The boys reassure me that the ceiling is plaster and will hold it anyway, but that's not really enough for me since I'm the one who's going to be hanging upside down from the thing.

Boot camp has been kicking my ass. I had it yesterday, then class afterwards. I AM SORE. My whole body hurts. This is good though, I've been pretty lazy lately. And eating like shit. And drinking a lot. Ahh summer.

Let's see...Adam and I saw Scott Pilgrim the other day and now I very much want these boots:



And I'm spent.
helikedmyshoes: (Default)
I owe everyone thanks for your warm well wishes in the aftermath of surgery and fibroid expelling. Seriously, you all made my heart smile. Thank you for being here for me, always.

+

This has been the easiest, most amazing period I've had in 2 years. I'd really like to keep it this way for forever.

+

In pole this week, I learned how to do a Layout - hang upside down on the pole using only my thighs to hold me there. HARD. Also, awesome. Note to self: don't go to class hungover EVER. P.S. especially don't go upside down a lot. It was good to sweat it all out, though.

+

I told myself I'd go grocery shopping and to the gym today. I did neither. Now I have to shower and get ready for work. I did some crunches and push ups, though, and I've been eating well and drinking a ton of water as per my urologist's orders. I do need to cut back on the sodium even more though, I've been bad about that.

+

Right. No more discussions at [livejournal.com profile] no_takebacks about how great the table flashback scene is. Shower, eat, work. I've got two doubles in a row staring tomorrow, both of which I open and close the bar. I need all the energy I can get.
helikedmyshoes: (btvs + faith + faster pussycat kill)
I signed in to pole tonight because I really needed to go. I feel like everything is just out of control right now, between moving and the house being a mess and Adam and thinking about the future and what I want and what I need to do to get it (DATING sigh), and I just needed to go to class and be in control of my body and let the music take over.

It was amazing.

In the past few weeks I've really felt myself taking my dancing to a whole new level. Being upper level now means there are a ton more classes I can sub in to, which has been so beneficial. Because my class on Sunday was so small, I never really got a chance to watch anyone but 2 or 3 other girls dance, but in the last month or so I've taken a few make up classes with other upper levels and it's been so inspiring to watch and learn from them. I feel like I have so much more confidence in my dancing, like my body is finally my own after almost 9 months of this. This thing has been gestating inside and now it's finally starting to come out.

My teacher tonight, Michelle, told me my dancing is incredibly rich. She wants me to play around and flirt a little more, try out new things like shoes and outfits, really take it to another level. I'm excited to try it out. I love my regular teacher Julie, but I wish she'd give us feedback like I've had the other teachers do. I don't just want her to ask me how it felt, I want her to tell me what she saw, what she wants to see, what else I can do to improve. I'm gonna ask her if she can start, I feel like I'm at the point where I need that because I want to keep getting better.

I've finally started to feel comfortable enough to do inverted tricks during the dances. I did a snake dive and a pole cat tonight, took me a little while to get the rhythm of it but I finally have pole cat down (it's kinda like an upside down pushup on the pole. IT'S HARD). The Level 5 tricks are really going to test me because I'm still working on my flexibility. I know I'm so much more flexible now than when I started, it's just going to be something that I have to keep working on.

I used the song Daisy by Brand New tonight and it was so amazing. One of these days I'd like to video a dance and put it up. The song was short but it's got a grittiness to it that I really love. And the lyrics are amazing.

I'm a mountain that has been moved
I'm a river that is all dried up
I'm an ocean nothing floats on
I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in
I'm a sun that doesn't burn hot
I'm a moon that never shows its face
I'm a mouth that doesn't smile
I'm a word that no one ever wants to say...

[Child Speaking]
I don't wanna be,
He wasn't finding anybody when he was on the shelf
I saw him in my dream

I'm a mountain that has been moved
I'm a fugitive that has no legs to run
I'm a preacher with no pulpit
Spewing a sermon that goes on and on...

Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast
And we'll pray that they turn into seeds, to roots and then grass
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way
Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain
Like he knew it was time to start things over again
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way

Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast
And we'll pray that they turn into seeds, to roots and then grass
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way
Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain
Like he knew it was time to start things over again
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way

Anyway, that's the kind of mood I was in tonight. I feel like a contradiction, I feel like I'm a bird who's been told I'm a fish. I feel like my destiny isn't mine own and I have to get it back. I'm trying to take it back little by little.

I really need a pole dancing icon...
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + katee + professionally goodlooking)
Sorry I've been MIA. Life is finally starting to get back to normal.

Felicia is with me through next week. She has been behaving admirably so far. I guess it really was just that her and Abby couldn't live together. I checked the PAWS website tonight and Abby's picture is up. I hope she goes to her forever home soon and that they take amazing care of her.

I'm rereading Atlas Shrugged and loving every minute of it. Dagny is currently in Atlantis. If I ever have a daughter, I want to call her Dagny, so when she grows up she can read that book and realize what an amazing character she is named after. Dagny kicks so much ass. Love her.

Apartment hunting is stressful.

Body is also stressful. I've started spotting (I got one whole week without my period! SIGH) late at night but in the morning when I take my birth control it stops. Gonna call my doctor tomorrow and see what he has to say. Stupid fibroid. I NEED THIS THING OUT OF ME NOW. On the kidney stone front, I am awaiting testing materials from a lab company. I get to a 48 hour urine analysis, get blood drawn, and have another CT scan. YAY. Thank god for insurance.

I am having a Tori Renaissance. (This seems to go nicely with my reread of Atlas Shrugged. Both are incredibly influential forces in my life, Tori moreso than AS.) It's been too long since I've listened to her, so I think for the next few days I'm going to just hit shuffle and immerse myself in Tori.

I need to have someone look at my taxes to make sure I did them right. Here's hoping they find some stuff I missed.

Pole dancing continues to be amazing. I learned a new trick this week called the Flying Body Spiral - I LOVE IT. You literally fly around the pole. It's killer on the arms and back but so fun. Can't believe Level 4 is almost done. My class is combining with the other 10am Sunday class because we're all upper level now and I'll be getting a new teacher. She taught my class this week because there were only 2 of us in my class and 1 in hers so my teacher had us just take from Monique. It was fun because Julie (my teacher) took the class with us. I love Monique's teaching style, after each free dance she takes a moment and tells you everything that was beautiful about the way you moved. It was really inspiring. I was a little wary of getting a new teacher, because I've been with Julie for 8 months now, but I think it's going to work out nicely.

Going to curl up with my book and my cat until I fall asleep.
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + k/l +  heard this one before?)
I'm sorry I didn't get to respond to everyone yet from my picture post, but I will! I'm just running short on time, and I have to pack up my stuff and get to the studio (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!).

Anyway, I appreciate all the feedback! It didn't make my decision any easier so I changed the rules completely, and pulled something out of left field.

Behold...#2!



This was in the original running but the top of the cups is funny and juts out no matter how much I push and prod my breasts to fill it. I tried the strapless bra but you could see it because there was such a gap. So...I sewed the bar INTO the corset! I'm so crafty. Yay!

I'm going to bring all 4 outfits and see what the photographer says, but in my heart I want to use the one above and the pink bra.

Okay! Hair is dried and styled, time to pack up the work stuff and the fun stuff and get out of here! Oh, also I need to make myself a sandwich for later, clearly I did not eat yet today...

Can't wait for my fake lashes!
helikedmyshoes: (misc + full of grace)
Slowly making my way through responding to everyone from yesterday. Thank you for the comments and support, and the straight talk, and for making me feel not so alone and not so crazy.

I know I'm no good at following advice but I do take it in and let it simmer. It's in here now, on low heat.

+

I had to make a playlist for my photo shoot, and this is what I've come up with.

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
Feelin' Love - Paula Cole
My Body is a Cage - Arcade Fire
The Dope Show - Marilyn Manson
The Beginning is the End is the Beginning - Smashing Pumpkins
RCV 22:20 - Puscifer
If You Wear That Velvet Dress - Jools Holland and Bono

Thoughts?

Still working on outfits. I get 2. I might post pictures for opinions.

+

Anyway, I need to go to bed because this is my only night off until next Monday and I need to rest up for my double tomorrow.
helikedmyshoes: (tori + did you get lost in it?)
Pole today was really, really hard. It was physically challenging and exhausting, but it was also mentally exhausting too. My body was literally shaking at points, and I found it hard to keep my mind in the moment and focused on what I was doing.

I think I've got a lot of shit in my mind to work through and I let myself get lost in the music, which is okay, but I really want to try to keep my head in it and just let all that stuff go for two hours and be me and enjoy myself.

Today marked my fifth month of doing this and the change I see in my physical appearance is amazing, but the emotional confidence is lagging a bit. I don't think my dancing is suffering at all but I feel like I'm working through a rough patch without really doing any work. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing...

But yeah, today I chose Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer and it's a sexy song beat wise but damn it's a downer. I literally picture ball gowns and flames. I wanted something slow today so I could just slow down and breathe and move and not get worked up like something heavier or faster would get me. All through class today I almost felt like I was going through withdrawals.

It's weird because lately I've felt good, haven't really been worked up about things like I get sometimes. I guess it's almost like I've been cut off from my emotions, they still lurk but they haven't taken over my entire being. It feels good. I like when I'm like this. But I also know that this is cyclical and the pendulum will swing the other way and I will be an emotional mess again, so I am enjoying this while I can. But clearly there are things lurking, because even though I wasn't really thinking about anything or anyone specific today I was still uneasy. I don't want to poke the slumbering beast, and if my mind can work through it without me actually actively taking part I would be very much okay with that.

I just want to keep the baby demons at bay a little longer so I can have some peace.

I don't know if any of this is making sense but it's helped me a little. I should go to bed, I'm beat. As I said, class today was torture (we had a sub instructor and she was great and really pushed us which was needed, I feel like I am on the edge of something and I need a push to take it to the next level) and work this week has been long. I finally get two days off though! That hasn't happened since before Christmas. I have a lot to do.

I'm going to Italy in 5 weeks.

I need to majorly clean tomorrow. And maybe write?


I could talk about it but it's really not a big deal.

don't you think we oughta known by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
?
helikedmyshoes: (misc + showgirls + step it up and dance)
I've been meaning to start this post for a long time...since August, to be exact! That's when I started pole dancing, you see, and I've been meaning to make a list of all the music I bring to class to dance to each week.

How it works is...we get half an hour at the end of class to dance. The first 4 months we stick to the routine we're taught in the beginning, as we get more comfortable with the movement and expression. Now that I'm in Level 3, we start moving away from the routine and towards free dance, which I really can't wait for! I don't think that comes until the end of Level 4 though.

Anyway, during this dance time we each get to bring in a song we want to dance to. At first they had to be slow, but now it can be anything. So I am going to make an effort to keep track of everything I bring to class.

+ RCV 22:20 - Puscifer (AWESOME SONG.)
+ Joyful Girl - Dave Matthews and Soulive
+ Change - Deftones (sometimes you're just angry.)
+ My Body is a Cage - Arcade Fire (another awesome song.)
+ Glory Box - Portishead (this was really powerful. give me a reason to love you)
+ Mouth (Stingray Mix) - Bush (wanted to dance to this since high school)
+ Hang Me Up to Dry - Cold War Kids (kinda defiant, I got pretty sassy)
+ Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden (another high school dream)
+ Psychotic Girl - The Black Keys (very sexy song)
+ Paper Planes - MIA (did not work. at all.)
+ If You Wear That Velvet Dress - Bono and Jools Holland (super sexy. needs a strip tease)
+ Erotica - Madonna (wanted to dance to this since I was 8. Seriously. I used to get yelled at for singing it.)
+ Careless Whisper - Seether
+ Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer (poignant. Working through stuff.)
+ Worrisome Heart - Melody Gardot (stole from work. Very jazzy.)
+ The Warning - Neverending White Lights (I tore this song up. Again, working through stuff.)
+ Do It Again - Tori Amos
+ Videophone - Beyonce and Lady Gaga (so hot. Love them)
+ Black Velvet - Alannah Myles
+ Abnormally Attracted to Sin - Tori Amos
+ Easy - Faith No More
+ Queer - Garbage
+ Daisy - Brand New
+ Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leopard
+ Appetite (For Lightin' Dynamite) - Citizen Cope
+ Voodoo - Godsmack
+ Me, I'm a Thief - Sarah Slean
+ iieee - Tori Amos
+ Smokey Joe - Tori Amos
+ I've Been Thinking - Handsome Boys Modeling School
+ Long as I Can See the Light - Creedence Clearwater Revival
+ Love the Way You Lie - Eminem
+ Eyes on Fire - Blue Foundation
+ The Plan - Battlestar Galactica
+ Lavinia - The Veils
+ Everything Will Be Alright - The Killers
+ Brave New World - Richard Ashcroft
+ Pretty Piece of Flesh - One Inch Punch
+ Skullflower - The Sound of Animals Fighting
+ Lakini's Juice - Live
+ Rooster - Alice in Chains
+ Heartless - Kanye West
+ Devil's Got Ahold of Me -
+ Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead
+ Strong Black Vine - Tori Amos
+ Closer (Deviation Mix) - Nine Inch Nails

Some songs that other people have brought in or that we've danced to during class:

+ Feelin' Love - Paula Cole (this was on my list, someone just got to it first. SO HOT)
+ Shadowboxer - Fiona Apple (the longing. oh man.)
+ Naughty Girl - Beyonce
+ Buttons - Pussycat Dolls (super fun)
+ Purple Rain - Prince (this song was made to be danced to)
+ Last Name - Carrie Underwood
+ Nasty Naughty Boy - Christina Aguilera
+ Red Light Special - TLC
+ 9 Crimes - Damien Rice
+ Criminal - Fiona Apple
+ Womanizer - Britney Spears
+ The Beginning is the End is the Beginning - Smashing Pumpkins (another YES. super hot and dark)
+ Talk Show Host - Radiohead
+ El Tango De Roxanne - Moulin Rouge
+ Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing - Chris Isaak (but she's sooo good at it)
+ Livin' on the Edge - Aerosmith (great for the pole!)
+ Bossy - Kelis (another great pole song)
+ Comedown - Bush
+ Wicked Game - Chris Isaak
+ This is How a Heart Breaks - Rob Thomas (different from the album version, much darker and smoking hot)
+ Unsuffer Me - Lucinda Williams
+ Closer - Kings of Leon
+ Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana
+ Apologize - OneRepublic
+ Take My Breath Away - Berlin

There are more, obviously, but I can't remember them. Oh well.

I have a lot more in my poledancing playlist that I haven't been able to use yet. I'm also constantly on the lookout for more! I've spent so much on iTunes, I love it.

I really need to get my own pole...
helikedmyshoes: (pirates + hoist the colors high)
My house is a mess. Therefore, it feels like my life is a mess.

Tuesday. I can clean Tuesday. I WILL clean Tuesday. Tuesday is errand and cleaning day. I decree it. Also, ultrasound is Tuesday. JOY. Please let them figure out what is wrong. Please?

Work killed me dead yesterday. I had delusions of grandeur of hitting the gym today, and then I couldn't even keep my eyes open and kept falling back into weird dreams. In one scene, Adam was eating steak and drinking red wine in a swimming pool and he fed me some. Then I poured gingerbread bubble bath into the hot tub.

Then we were outside a dark warehouse on a rainsoaked night.

Then we were walking into a beautiful house in the mountains that apparently belonged to my mom, who was mad at me because I brought Adam with me. I put on Monty Python to keep him occupied while I sorted stuff out with her (which involved no talking, just her walking around the corner ahead of me with her back to me every time I approached her). When I got back to Adam, a bunch of the people from Monty Python were in the room with him, critiquing the show.

Then I was going to take him back to Rochester and we stopped at the grocery store where he started making these 3 foot long subs, slathering mayonnaise on them. Then suddenly there were zombies in the grocery store and we had to fight them.

Then I finally woke up.

WTF.

My dreams have been very very vivid lately. The other night I had a dream about a trip we were on, sight seeing, and there was a beautiful waterfall that suddenly turned golden as we watched it, and I tried to get pictures but my camera wouldn't work. Then we went to see a play and Hugh Jackman was in it and the end is an image that seared itself into my brain: a forest of brilliant golds and pinks and just a hint of green, Hugh on an altar in the middle, dead, and suddenly a woman's face appears enormously behind him like a ghost or a witch. She cackled and her hair whipped in her face and I tried to take pictures of that too because I thought it really was haunted but again my camera wouldn't work. And then I went up to Hugh and told him I thought he did a great job. Because in my dreams about Hugh Jackman, apparently all I do is tell him how great he is. SIGH.

They stayed with me all day. Very vivid visuals, almost like something out of What Dreams May Come, that same visual style. Very weird, but cool. I love my dreams. They are always so interesting, and I love that I know I'm in a dream but they still feel real, too.

Could you imagine if it were possible to turn dreams into movies? Real actual dreams as you're having them. How terrifying would they be?

+

Well this wasn't supposed to turn into a dream post, but it did. Sorry friends. I need to go get ready for work and stop at Walgreens for a bag of bite size Snickers. I will not get through tonight with it.

Also trying to figure out my pole dancing song for tomorrow. WE GET TO CLIMB TOMORROW!!!! I have been waiting for this! And in two weeks, we get to go upside down! I feel like the whole world is going to open up when that happens. So excited. Also a reason why I think it's best I didn't go to the gym today, I will need all the energy I can get tomorrow.

But songs...I don't know. Maybe some Jimi Hendrix. Or Paula Cole's Feelin' Love. We'll see. I am going to make a list of all the songs, for me, because I am lame like that. :P

Makeup. Hair. Action.

classy

Oct. 5th, 2009 03:56 pm
helikedmyshoes: (btvs + whores are more fun)
I am officially done with Level 1 at S Factor! Yesterday was week 8, which means next week starts week 1 of Level 2. I am SO EXCITED. We got to see the tricks we're going to learn and they look so fun, but hard! I still have another month to build strength for climbing. Little nervous about that, but mostly excited.

I bought some new leg warmers. How hot are they!



Two more pics! )

I am so bad, every week I have to buy something new. I love it. Next up, I need to pick [livejournal.com profile] alleynyc's brain about buying a pole. And music. I want more to bring to class.

Off to see Zombieland with Adam and his dad!
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + starbuck + sing out flygirl)
Just made the most amazing soothing muscle massage oil with a recipe from the Aura Cacia website using juniper berry, peppermint, pine, and lemon in sweet almond oil. I feel relaxed and smell delicious! This aromatherapy stuff is fun! It's great to have a new hobby, especially one that has cures for ailments caused by my other new hobby, pole dancing.

Speaking of pole dancing, check out my sweet shoes!



I heart them so much. Combined with my booty shorts and thigh high leg warmers, I look pretty hot. Oh yeah. Already signed up for Level 2. I am in this for the long haul!

Waiting for Adam to get out of rehearsal so we can make chicken parm sandwiches for dinner and watch more Dexter S3.

Things to do over the next days/weeks: clean the house, organize the living room, go through my books and DVDs and make piles to send to goodwill or sell on eBay. The fall cleaning bug has hit! Hopefully I will get off my ass and actually do something about it, too.

I need to program TiVo with all the shows I want to watch this year. So far it's Dollhouse, Glee, Bones...umm, I know there's more. Remember when I used to have shows to watch every night of the week? TV sucks these days.

Adam sliced my finger open with a Batarang last night. What's a Batarang, you ask? One of those things that Batman throws at bad guys!!! Yes, Batman. He has a Batman costume, and it came with a utility belt, and the utility belt had Batarangs in it. He is such a nerd. And my finger is sliced to hell. Luckily, he made it up to me. ;D And it was an accident, so I wasn't mad or anything

I can't believe my birthday is in 2 weeks! I will be 26. (Yikes.) I have started practicing saying I am already 26 so that when it comes I won't be so freaked out. I'm getting old, man. Still not sure on plans yet, I'd like to do dinner and then a bar but the bar I want to go to, Harrigans aka our local dive bar, has open mic night, and guess who wants no part of that? Ugh. I need to figure something out asap and get on Facebook about it.
helikedmyshoes: (btvs + faith + faster pussycat kill)
I just bought 6" heels and knee pads. Poledancing is the best.

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