helikedmyshoes: (bsg + laughter is the best medicine)

I feel like I should update, but I don't really have anything to report. The hot days of summer are melting away into the dog days of summer and I'm just not ready for this to be over. I love summer, I love the heat and the humidity and the sun and late nights drinking wine on the deck and being able to just walk out the door by slipping my feet into my flip flops and my finger into my key ring.

I am not ready for fall. It was mostly dark when I left class last night at 8, and it hit me that it's only going to get worse from here on out. Soon I'll be heading to class in the dark. Maybe that's why winter always seems so long, because I exist so much in darkness.

I'll certainly be busy this fall, though. I've got my photography class on Wednesdays from 1-4 starting September 15th and going to the end of October, and pole on Wednesdays from 6-8. I'm waiting on my schedule from work, I don't think it's changing a whole lot but my Saturday shift may be moved earlier. I've got a wedding in DC on September 11th which will be a blast, Adam and all our friends will be there so it'll be three days of partying in a hotel and drinking too much and getting to play dress up. I've got another wedding on October 11th, one of my best friends from college, which means I finally have no excuse not to get to NYC for a few days. I plan to be there from Sunday to Wednesday, it's been 2 years since I've been to the city to see my friends so I pretty much cannot wait for that. I should look into tickets...

Aside from that, I hope photography will take up a lot of time, and I'd really like to read those things they call books again. I'm working my way through Eat Pray Love and thoroughly enjoying it. Adam lent me Stephen Fry's The Hippopotamus, so maybe I'll read that next.

I want an iPad. I want a lot of things, actually. I've been pretty bad with money lately...spent a ton on makeup at Sephora, bought new clothes from Guess (they were having a sale! :D), bought my pole (!!!!). There's also a new lens for my camera that I want, a 50mm, and Urban Decay is coming out with a new Book of Shadows (I am a tad bit obsessed with makeup lately. I've been watching videos on YouTube and everything). Plus it's my sister's birthday coming up, and my mom's, and then my parents' anniversary, and then my birthday...September is a very expensive month in my family.

So yes, I did in fact buy my pole. It shipped out on Wednesday, apparently. I'm a little worried now though because I didn't actually check for support beams in the ceiling first, so I hope that I can get access to a ladder (waiting on the landlord for that) and figure that out in the next few days. It would be pretty tragic if I bought the pole and then couldn't actually put it up. The boys reassure me that the ceiling is plaster and will hold it anyway, but that's not really enough for me since I'm the one who's going to be hanging upside down from the thing.

Boot camp has been kicking my ass. I had it yesterday, then class afterwards. I AM SORE. My whole body hurts. This is good though, I've been pretty lazy lately. And eating like shit. And drinking a lot. Ahh summer.

Let's see...Adam and I saw Scott Pilgrim the other day and now I very much want these boots:

And I'm spent.
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + k/l + watch over me)

I am tired of being defined by the way I feel for one person.

I am more than what I mean to that one person.

I know my friends just love me and want me to be happy, but my life is not only that; my happiness is not only that. I wish people would realize that yes, I am a smart person and I've got both eyes wide open. I'll be okay.

helikedmyshoes: (farscape + j/a + bad ass)
Well, I spent another day in the emergency room yesterday. I wonder if I start getting a room that's saved for me after 3 visits.

I woke up with a little bit of pain in my lower back on the right side, but I'd had it since Wednesday and honestly I thought it was just a pulled muscle. As I got ready for work it got more and more painful, and just kept getting worse. I stopped at Starbucks to get some water and a muffin so I could take some Motrin, and I got really dizzy and nauseous and I couldn't really stand up straight. By the time I walked into work I was crying, it hurt so badly.

I sat in the back and my GM brought me some milk and Annie suggested that I go to the ER. I was going to just go to the Minute Clinic because I was starting to suspect that it was kidney related, but I just figured it was a UTI. I was in so much pain though that the ER sounded more and more like the best idea. I got in a cab, even though the hospital is only about 6 blocks from work, and that's when I started to get really nauseous and knew I was going to throw up, and I got really worried because clearly something was very wrong.

I got checked in at the ER and they took my blood pressure and temperature and all that. They still had all my info on file from when I got my transfusion so then it just because a waiting game for a bed. I threw up a bunch of times in the waiting room, and was too sick to be embarrassed. Luckily all I'd had was some water and a few pieces of pound cake from Starbucks, and throwing up chocolate was surprisingly pleasant.

I was in so much pain. It was very concentrated over my right kidney and just never ended, it wasn't a stabbing pain, just nonstop pressure that was so intense I couldn't stop my right leg from shaking. I'd called Adam so he could come down and stay with me, and waiting for him was just agony. I was crying and shaking and throwing up and it was AWFUL.

They finally had a bed ready for me, and led me up to the same place I'd gone for my transfusion. Stupid me thought I could walk the whole way, and I got sick as soon as I got up there again. At that point there was nothing to throw up by bile, and then it became drying heaving, it was horrible. I managed to get into a gown and curl up into a ball on the bed while the best nurse EVER put in the IV - she did it so fast that I barely even felt it, it was amazing.

They immediately started me on anti-nausea meds, and gave me some narcotic that's similar to morphine for the pain. They had to give me more about 10 minutes later because while I did feel the medication take effect (my whole body felt woozy and my legs felt like jelly), I was still in a lot of pain. They gave me more and then another medication on top of that, and then I started to feel goooooood. The pain was gone, it was amazing.

Adam got there as they were wheeling me out to get a CT Scan. I felt like I was in an episode of House, it was pretty cool. When I got back he came and sat with me in my little private room, and we just hung out playing each other in Scrabble on our iPhones. The doctors figured it was kidney stones and were waiting for the CT results and also the urine analysis to come back.

We waited for that stuff for about 3 hours. Finally it came back: I had a kidney stone AND a UTI. AWESOME. I also apparently have a couple more stones in each of my kidneys that haven't done anything yet, so I have to go see a urologist next week so we can talk about what has to be done for them. They were debating about whether to keep me because they didn't want me to develop an infection, but I didn't have a fever so they said as long as I remained fever-free I could go. They gave me an IV of antibiotics that took about an hour to drip into my system, during which time I made Adam watch Bones, and then we were free to go.

Let me tell you: Vicodin is a wonderful thing. I took two last night because the pain was starting to come back, and it made me a little loopy and drowsy. I've been super tired all day, I'm fighting to keep my eyes open so I can type this.

So basically I need to drink a ton more water than I had been. I'm sure there are dietary restrictions, everything I've found online said less meat. My mother wasn't really helpful, I was looking for comfort and she was all, "well this gives you a chance to think about your lifestyle and reflect on it and see what you need to change," AKA she thinks I'm an alcoholic and keeps dropping hints about it. FUCK OFF MOM. I love how she implies that it's my LIFESTYLE - hello, I eat pretty healthy, I work out consistently, and contrary to popular belief I only drink once or twice a week, and heavily maybe once or twice a month. UGH. I was really upset with her.

Anyway, my issues with my mom are for another entry.

So now in the last six months I've been anemic, had a transfusion, gone to the emergency room twice, had surgery to remove a fibroid, and had kidney stones. DO I GET A BREAK NOW? Seriously. I am so over it. I'm taking it all in stride as best I can but it's getting me down. I feel very emotionally drained. Like, I just can't catch a fucking break.

Oh, and I just got my period, which I wasn't supposed to get because of the Lupron shot that I'm on which is a high dose of hormones that's supposed to make me stop bleeding. FUCK YOU BODY. I called my gyno, who is out of town of course, and basically the only thing the nurse said was to keep an eye on it and if it gets really bad to go in and see another doctor. AHHH I JUST WANT TO GET BETTER.

And that is the story of my second trip to the emergency room. I'm really glad Adam was there with me, it was nice having the distraction. He was really great. And thank you for all the support too, it meant so much to me. I hate being a weak little cry baby but man, yesterday I couldn't help it. All the love coming in was great.


I feel like things are in such upheaval lately. There is so much going on...I go to Florida in a week, the cats go to the shelter on Saturday (sadface), I still have to do my taxes, I didn't renew my lease so I need to figure out where I'm going to move to...a lot of stress right now.

I have to start getting all the cat stuff together, I can't believe they are leaving me forever on Saturday. I am really sad, but honestly, I'm kind of relieved too. I feel like I've failed in a way, because I wasn't able to give them the kind of home they deserve even though I love them so much. It just isn't fair to all of us, I'm not home enough for them and I can't live the rest of my life with cats who pee on my stuff. I pray they go to good homes and have long and happy lives and that the people who adopt them love them as much as I do. I will miss having my kitties greet me when I come home and snuggle with me at night. It's going to be lonely. At the end of the day, I just hope that we are all happy and that they are loved and cared for.

And I don't want to think about it anymore because I will cry.

Okay, I need to pop more Vicodin and take a nice hot shower. Looks like the house is going to remain a mess today. Oh well.
helikedmyshoes: (tori + shame cause i was alone)

I don't think we even have anything left to say to one another.


He is such a shitty friend sometimes.


If what he wants is adorning fans, well, I can't help him with that. All I know is that I cannot and do not want to be a part of it anymore.


There are so many things that I hate about myself, I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


Jan. 4th, 2010 01:36 pm
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + k/l + all we can count on)

Adam is snoring. Apparently I tired him out? Oops.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

helikedmyshoes: (Default)

  • 03:04 If anyone sees my best friend, please tell him that I miss him. #

Tweets from twitter.com/helikedmyshoes


Nov. 23rd, 2009 12:05 am
helikedmyshoes: (Default)

This is the first time in months that he has not contacted me all day, despite the messages I sent. I don't really want to think about what that most likely means, but I am thinking it all the same.

I want all or nothing now. At least I'm getting used to what nothing feels like.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

helikedmyshoes: (bsg + starbuck + sing out flygirl)
Just made the most amazing soothing muscle massage oil with a recipe from the Aura Cacia website using juniper berry, peppermint, pine, and lemon in sweet almond oil. I feel relaxed and smell delicious! This aromatherapy stuff is fun! It's great to have a new hobby, especially one that has cures for ailments caused by my other new hobby, pole dancing.

Speaking of pole dancing, check out my sweet shoes!

I heart them so much. Combined with my booty shorts and thigh high leg warmers, I look pretty hot. Oh yeah. Already signed up for Level 2. I am in this for the long haul!

Waiting for Adam to get out of rehearsal so we can make chicken parm sandwiches for dinner and watch more Dexter S3.

Things to do over the next days/weeks: clean the house, organize the living room, go through my books and DVDs and make piles to send to goodwill or sell on eBay. The fall cleaning bug has hit! Hopefully I will get off my ass and actually do something about it, too.

I need to program TiVo with all the shows I want to watch this year. So far it's Dollhouse, Glee, Bones...umm, I know there's more. Remember when I used to have shows to watch every night of the week? TV sucks these days.

Adam sliced my finger open with a Batarang last night. What's a Batarang, you ask? One of those things that Batman throws at bad guys!!! Yes, Batman. He has a Batman costume, and it came with a utility belt, and the utility belt had Batarangs in it. He is such a nerd. And my finger is sliced to hell. Luckily, he made it up to me. ;D And it was an accident, so I wasn't mad or anything

I can't believe my birthday is in 2 weeks! I will be 26. (Yikes.) I have started practicing saying I am already 26 so that when it comes I won't be so freaked out. I'm getting old, man. Still not sure on plans yet, I'd like to do dinner and then a bar but the bar I want to go to, Harrigans aka our local dive bar, has open mic night, and guess who wants no part of that? Ugh. I need to figure something out asap and get on Facebook about it.


Sep. 9th, 2009 11:16 pm
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + starbuck + kickass women)
New hair!!

More behind the cut )
Sorry for the crap quality, I took them on my Blackberry. I am so in love with it! It needed to be cut so badly.

I spent 3 hours today playing DC Universe Vs. Mortal Kombat with Adam. It was awesome. I was actually pretty good, which is surprising because usually I really suck with video games. I mean, I can't even play MarioKart. Apparently I can kick lots of ass, though.

We also watched the first 3 episodes of Dexter S3 last night...I really like it! I've read complaints about the season as a whole, but I think it's off to a good start. Very different from the previous 2 seasons, but I think S1 and S2 were very different from each other so I'm okay with it. Can't wait to see where it goes, Jimmy Smits gives me the chills!

I stuffed myself with Chinese food. I need to knock it off with the junk food, pronto. I've been bad about the gym, and while pole dancing has been kicking my ass, it only happens once a week and is not enough to sustain me. I like being thin, I've worked really hard over the last 6 months and I will not throw it away now. I keep having to give myself that pep talk. Of course, after what I ate today, I never want to see food again, so hopefully it will prove unnecessary.

I am so obsessed with essential oils. I spent a ton of money today at Whole Foods buying the essentials (ha), along with sweet almond oil so I have a base to make massage oils. I'm using The Complete Guide to Essential Oils and Aromatherapy, plus the Aura Cacia website. It's all fascinating to me. I love scents. I developed an obsession with tea tree oil months ago, I have a feeling it won't take much to become addicted to the whole of aromatherapy. Now I just need to get a special box for all my oils.

I need to retrieve and fold my laundry, pack my bag for tomorrow, and hit the hay. Wednesday is my Sunday and I've been extra tired lately, I could use an extra hour or so of sleep. I've been getting frustrated with work lately, I need to take a deep breath, remember how lucky I am to have such a good job, and smile. The rest is just chicken and cornbread.
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + roslin loves her airlock)
Can I just say that I hate today?

I'm 99% sure someone stole my iPod out of my bag at work. When I was getting ready for the beach today, I pulled out the iPod case and my headphones, but no iPod. I know I had it Saturday night because I was listening to it at work, and it was in my bag because I was going to go to the gym on Sunday.

This is now the second iPod that has been stolen from me at work. This is ridiculous. I want lockers that I can put a lock on, or I am going to be carrying my cash, iPod and Blackberry with me at all times, I don't care about the rules. I told my GM and she was apologized but there isn't really anything she can do. Well, there is something she can do, and if she does nothing, I am going to call corporate. Apparently I'm not the only one who has had stuff stolen, there's been cash, sunglasses, etc., all reported and nothing done. It stops now.

I am so mad I could scream. I'd been meaning to back up my iPod for months too, and had I done it yet? Of course not. I don't think I lost much music because I store it all on my external hard drive, but I did definitely lose some songs and that pisses me off even more. Adam gave me his iPod Touch because he hasn't used it since getting his iPhone, which was awesome of him because I didn't really want to shell out another $300 for a new one.

I hate everything right now.

Oh, and also, the cat peed on the couch AGAIN, and I hope it was Felicia and not Abby. I have pretty much made up my mind to give her away, I can't do this anymore. I have tried for two years, she just won't pee in the litter no matter what I do. I am so over it. I feel bad but hopefully someone can give her a good home because I am at my wits end.

To make myself feel better, Adam and I stuffed ourselves with burgers and shakes, and then I went to see The Proposal which I really liked. I love Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds, the story was kind of weak but whatever, I didn't go for a grand sweeping love story. I got what I paid for and I was happy.

I think I'm just going to go to bed so today can stop sucking so much.
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + starbuck + wrong way)
I have literally done nothing today except sit on my couch. And it was wonderful. Seriously, I cannot tell you how much I needed this. I have not had two days off in a row since before Thanksgiving and I just needed to veg. Decompress. It was so good. I even don't mind the fact that I have to go back to work tomorrow. Much. I know I had things I should have done with my days off, but really, nothing was pressing and I needed to take this time for myself. I need to do that more. For myself. 2009 is 2000-MINE. Hee!

Monday night Adam and I hung out and had a sleepover, and Tuesday Beth, Ambrose and Jermaine came over and we watched Battlestar Galactica 4.0 and drank a lot of wine. I am watching Revelations right now and it is gutting me now just as it gutted me then. I am excited to see the journey end the way it's supposed to but I will miss it so when it's gone.

I also spoiled myself for the final Cylon. I'd spoiled myself for the Final Four too because I didn't watch the Season 3 finale until the show as out on DVD. I was going to go in completely unspoiled, and I will still be unspoiled for the rest of the show, especially the finale. But honestly, I never really cared about who the last one was, I just knew it would be interesting to see it unfold. It's what the final Cylon has to say and what answers we will get from it that I can't wait for. We'll see how it goes. One and a half more days!!!! OMG Work is going to be TORTURE on Friday.

I think I'm going to go read more Sandman and pass out. Back to the real world tomorrow.
helikedmyshoes: (misc + i can see russia from my house!)
Nabbed this meme from everyone.

Take a picture of yourself right now.
Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
Post that picture with NO editing*.
Post these instructions with your picture.


In other news. I CAN SEE RUSSIA FROM MY HOUSE will never not be funny to me. God, that sketch was the greatest thing I've seen in a long time.

I am going to be 25 in a week. God.

On Thursday night I couldn't sleep, I listened to 4 BSG podcasts and yelled at the cats for keeping me up, even though it wasn't their fault. Adam got a Blu-Ray player and we watched A Few Good Men, Terminator 2 and Outbreak in blu ray, and let me tell you, it is a great way to look at the world. I want one. I want lots of things. Materialistic? Me? Yeah, I should work on that.

I should also be in bed because I got no sleep and then worked 2 doubles and have a splitting headache and have to get up in a few hours to go back to work. I really just want to watch BSG for days. How can something be SO GOOD? I just don't understand. I could write a manifesto about how good that show is. I won't; it's bedtime.

Oh, I got to see Molly on Monday after not seeing her for like 10 bazillion years and we sat around and talked, and then got lunch and talked, and then got margaritas and got tipsy and talked, and then came back to my house and talked, and then napped and I like to think we still talked on a special brain wavelength. Molly, you are and always will be one of my very best BFFs. NOW MOVE TO CHICAGO SO I DON'T HAVE TO MISS YOU ANYMORE.

We played poker at Adam's on Tuesday, AFTER I had 2 margaritas at Chili Macs, and DURING WHICH I drank a bottle of wine and downed a lot of Midol and then was too drunk and nauseous and made Beth watch Spaced with me. I did get to try some of the Blue Label I bought Adam; that stuff is GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. And I don't drink scotch. But it didn't burn on the way down, which is my biggest complaint about liquor. Of course I would have the most expensive taste. No one ever believes me when I say it's expensive to be me. I like nice things. I need nice scotch.

There was something else I wanted to say. There's a bug on the ceiling and the cats are going nuts.


Aug. 4th, 2008 08:05 pm
helikedmyshoes: (dr horrible)
We are in the middle of a severe weather/tornado warning. Apparently one just touched down in Elgin, west of Chicago. There's continuous thunder and lightning and wind. Yikes.

We are supposed to celebrate Adam's birthday tonight. Ominous?

I bought a $200 bottle of liquor today. It's the kid's birthday, he deserves something nice now that he's an old man.
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + a hard six)
I don't know why, but my Diva Cup has been fucking up for the last few days. I love the thing dearly, and everyone out there who doesn't have one needs to get one. It just needs to start cooperating a little more. I don't like being paranoid about it.

Anyway, sorry for that. Had to get it off my chest. Like I said, the Kids in the Hall show was a blast. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. And it was nice to see the girls again, it's been a while since we've all been together. It might have been too soon to see Adam, I can't really tell. We were fine, and things weren't weird, but I think I need more distance before we can really hang in any capacity other than talking one on one. Maybe I'm just overthinking again. It was nice to see him. I think this whole fight is the best thing that could've happened to us. Maybe we really can be friends after all this.

I think I'm late for work. We finally got our new computer system put in, they've only been promising us for a year and a half that we'd get it. We've had the same system since the company opened in 1977. There is now only one man in the country who can fix them, and he's 70. It was time, no?

Here's my stop.
helikedmyshoes: (Default)
Adam and I just talked. I feel better and worse. It's hard, standing in the wreckage. It's hard to pick through, we are both at fault here and I really hope that we can find that middle ground.

Seeing him, actually seeing how this has torn him apart, has really humbled me. I hurt him too. I am so vindictive sometimes and I just do things to hurt him and I really need to stop. We both have work to do.

Tonight is the last night of this distraction. Tomorrow it's back to the real world.
helikedmyshoes: (misc + confessions + vindictive little b)
I am incredibly emotional today. Maybe because I fucking cried again last night. I am sick to death of this weepy sad mopey bullshit.

I don't know why this feels different from all the other times there was someone else in the picture. But it does. I literally cannot think of anything else and I am so raw and crazy and exhausted and my back is so tense that Jerry came over to massage it last night and I cried out in pain because I was so tense. I just want to leave my brain for a while. It must be really nice to not have feelings.

I get a 45 minute break during a 14 hour day. I will not cry at work I will not cry at work I will not cry at work.
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + roslin loves her airlock)
Work sucks. I wanted to make $300 today. I don't think that's going to happen. Don't people know I have shiny things I want to buy?

Maybe we just need to not see each other for a while, and only talk on the phone like once a week. I don't know. I'm tired.
helikedmyshoes: (bsg + i love the sound)
Today just didn't want to go right from the second the clock struck midnight.

Case in point: cats peed on my bed last night. I had to treat the mattress and they won't let me sleep if I'm with them so I went to Adam's and slept on his futon with a sweater as a blanket and a sweatshirt as a pillow because I didn't want to wake him.

This morning, there was no hot water.in the building so I couldn't shower. And it is snowing and we could get up to 6 inches.

I know you're trying real hard to make me cry, today. Please stop.
helikedmyshoes: (pirates + hoist the colors high)
I have programed all my numbers into my phone that I was able to get my hands on. Still don't really know how to work it, but I know we're going to be great friends.

I have to be up in about 4 and a half hours to get on the train to get to Midway to get on a plane to go home. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Work tonight - I almost walked out. Julia is a cunt.

I will be home in 12 hours! (Weather permitting.)

I should be cleaning. I think I'm packed.

Adam bought me Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At Worlds End on DVD for Christmas. I know how unhappy that made him (he is not a fan). It is beautiful and I am going to love it forever and ever. He also got me Black Books: The Complete Series and a picture of Darth Vader that will go next to my Revenge of the Jedi picture. I love presents!

So this is Christmas...
helikedmyshoes: (the office + hat fm)
How come I got stuck at LaGuardia for 14 hours and Adam got to wait on the cast of Superbad?


helikedmyshoes: (Default)

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