helikedmyshoes | Entries tagged with no good very bad day

I owe $8557 in taxes.

FML.

It's weird being home with no cats.

They went to PAWS today, the big no-kill shelter here in Chicago. It was a hard decision, but it's been a long time coming. I've been more patient than most people would be, and it's just at the point now where I can't do it anymore. I'm not home enough to have animals, it isn't fair to them and it isn't fair to me. I wish I had known that when I first thought about getting a kitten. Not that I would trade the time we had for anything, but this part has been really hard.

I miss them, and I wish I didn't have to make that choice, I wish we could all just live in peace together, but we couldn't, and I couldn't continue to live with training pads covering my couch and a tarp over my carpet in the back room. I hope they go to great homes and have wonderful lives filled with lots of love. I wish I could have given that to them. I couldn't, but I hope what I have given them is the chance to find that. I feel blessed for the time that we did have together. I miss them a lot.

This has been a pretty trying week. I am sending all my positive energy out to the cats and their new future homes and families, whoever they may be. I hope they find each other soon.

I hope I made the right decision. No. I know I made the right decision. I hope they're okay.

I broke my iPhone.

SIGH.

Apparently it doesn't like being wet.

Not sure I was able to save contacts/apps before it went. It was sorta turning on and off and I had it hooked up wot the computer but then it stopped working and I didn't have iTunes open to check its progress. Fingers crossed. I have insurance through Best Buy so hopefully they will replace it tomorrow.

I don't like not having a phone.

So my sister got in a pretty terrible car accident today.

First off, by some miracle, she is completely fine. No one else was involved. She hit a pot hole going down the mountain to work and her car spun out and flipped on its side. The driver side windows both shattered. She doesn't remember crawling out of the car, but she did. She has a single scratch on her finger AND THAT'S IT.

Someone stopped to help her, then another girl who we both knew stopped to help her (she is one of five sisters; one of them was in my high school class and one of them was in Gen's) and called my mom at school, who left her class and went right over. She took Gen home and dealt with some insurance stuff, then took her to Urgent Care to get X-rays to make sure everything was okay internally.

My mom said she's really lucky. Apparently the guardrail was a lot closer to her head than she let on, she could have easily been paralyzed or worse. She's shaken up, obviously, but hopefully otherwise okay, though I guess we won't really know for a few days.

I just - it was so scary getting that phone call. I am so, so glad she is okay, but just knowing how bad it could have been....I don't know what I would have done. She's my baby sister.

Thankfully, she's okay.

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I donated money to Doctors Without Borders and Yele. Please, if you can, donate even $5. Every little bit helps. Now is the time for compassion. I gave $100, $50 to each. Give something.

I watched CNN all night. I don't know how I'm going to sleep.

It has been a very emotionally draining day. I got stopped by an ASPCA rep on the street yesterday and signed up to give monthly donations. I want to get big on donations this year. I am very fortunate and I want to give back and help those who don't have as much. I spend enough money on crap for myself, I could be doing something good instead.

And then of course I get a call from PAWS, the no kill shelter I contacted over the summer about giving my cats to. For those of you who are new, I have two kitties who I love a lot, but they never learned how to pee in the litter box. They mostly keep to puppy training pads I set outside the litter box, though one has chose the shower directly over the drain as her "spot" (it could be worse). I can't live like this anymore, and I'm not home enough and they get pissed and pee on the couch in retaliation. I love them to death but I feel like someone out there can give someone the love and attention that they deserve and, quite frankly, need.

That said, I am completely wracked with guilt over it...what if someone isn't as tolerant as me? What if someone doesn't love them as much as me and just abandons them? Luckily PAWS will take them back if they prove problematic, but still... I just, I feel so guilty for giving them away. I just can't do it anymore. I'm such a terrible person.

I have to call them back tomorrow.

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I have to go to bed. I am so emotionally drained from this day. I got my bloodwork back and everything is good so I don't need a transfusion. Surgery is Monday.

Today was full of good things that could otherwise have been catastrophes.

I am hot, tired, irritated, annoyed, frustrated, pissed off, and I would really, really like to pummel someone until I can't move my arms anymore a la Starbuck.

FUCK. EVERYTHING.

give me
more
give me
more
give me
give me
more
give me
more
can't you just?

Can I just say that I hate today?

I'm 99% sure someone stole my iPod out of my bag at work. When I was getting ready for the beach today, I pulled out the iPod case and my headphones, but no iPod. I know I had it Saturday night because I was listening to it at work, and it was in my bag because I was going to go to the gym on Sunday.

This is now the second iPod that has been stolen from me at work. This is ridiculous. I want lockers that I can put a lock on, or I am going to be carrying my cash, iPod and Blackberry with me at all times, I don't care about the rules. I told my GM and she was apologized but there isn't really anything she can do. Well, there is something she can do, and if she does nothing, I am going to call corporate. Apparently I'm not the only one who has had stuff stolen, there's been cash, sunglasses, etc., all reported and nothing done. It stops now.

I am so mad I could scream. I'd been meaning to back up my iPod for months too, and had I done it yet? Of course not. I don't think I lost much music because I store it all on my external hard drive, but I did definitely lose some songs and that pisses me off even more. Adam gave me his iPod Touch because he hasn't used it since getting his iPhone, which was awesome of him because I didn't really want to shell out another $300 for a new one.

I hate everything right now.

Oh, and also, the cat peed on the couch AGAIN, and I hope it was Felicia and not Abby. I have pretty much made up my mind to give her away, I can't do this anymore. I have tried for two years, she just won't pee in the litter no matter what I do. I am so over it. I feel bad but hopefully someone can give her a good home because I am at my wits end.

To make myself feel better, Adam and I stuffed ourselves with burgers and shakes, and then I went to see The Proposal which I really liked. I love Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds, the story was kind of weak but whatever, I didn't go for a grand sweeping love story. I got what I paid for and I was happy.

I think I'm just going to go to bed so today can stop sucking so much.

So, I dyed my hair black a few weeks ago. I am finally used to it, and the color has faded a bit so that red highlights are starting to come through. I've gotten lots of compliments and everyone seems to really like it, apparently I look all sultry which I am all for!!

But every time I look in the mirror, I feel like Vanessa from The Little Mermaid (you know, Vanessa is actually Ursula turned human and she's using Ariel's voice to lure poor hapless Prince Eric away and get him to marry her and is all evil and wonderful and should have her own movie). Case in point:

Vanessa

I want to cackle evilly and make someone marry me out of spite.

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These are the worst days off I've had in a very long time. I got a brief reprieve Tuesday night when I went to Adam's for blackjack and poker. (I was hoping for some sexy times but no joy - I passed out and he uploaded podcasts to his new website until 5 in the morning. When did we get OLD?) But I came home Wednesday afternoon, after spending an hour at WaMu getting my bank accounts transferred from California to Illinois so I could get my new Chase debit card, to find a bunch of cat vomit all over my apartment and Abby drooling just as Felicia had been. UGH. So off we went back to the vet.

My vet is super sweet and I really like her. Abby didn't have the ulcers on her tongue like Felicia did but she had a fever and the same symptoms so I am to administer the same meds and hope that she gets better. All this was fine and dandy until Felicia decided to scratch one of the vet techs, and since she is not up on her rabies shots, she has to stay at the vet for the next 10 days for observation. I thought my vet was going to cry when she told me, she clearly felt horrible about the whole situation. Felicia just got scared and lashed out and now the poor thing is quarantined for the next 10 days.

And of course Abby doesn't know what to do with herself. She made a mess in her carrier so I had to bathe her when we got home, so I am REALLY not her favorite person right now. She is currently wallowing in her super secret hiding spot in my closet after I pumped her full of drugs and pain meds. It's weird because it feels like there are no cats here at all. This is actually a good time to experiment and see if Abby also pees outside the litter box or if it's only Felicia as I suspect. At least her stay at the vet won't cost me anything, the last three days I have spent over $700 on them. UGH. Do NOT want to think about it. At least I'm getting lots of miles from American Express. Sigh.

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So, I haven't watched Caprica yet. I KNOW. I will, and I want to, it's just...it's still so raw. Ack. My BSG love is a bleeding wound that just won't clot no matter how hard Jamie Bamber and his interpretations of the finale (plus the French!!) try. AND my friend Maile has my Season 1 DVDs so I can't even go back and start the rewatch that I so want to do. Thank God the blu rays come out in July, that way I will lend out my DVDs and keep my blu rays for myself.

I miss Starbuck. And Apollo. And Tigh. (Not Dee.)

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I can't believe I am actually looking forward to going back to work because the last few days have been so exhausting.

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I know I owe you replies from comments made last week. I'm sorry I'm so bad at replying. I suck at emailing too. I would like to work on that, I really would.

I redid my tags, cleaned them up and made them a little more inventive. I think I like them, and I think I'm going to change a few more over. I still have to go back one day and tag the first 3 years of this journal. I always always always miss my anniversary: it's March 31. I made this back in 2002. Weird how much of my life is here, and how much I don't remember from before I started writing in it. I wish I had been better about journalling in high school.

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I am thinking about my next tattoo. I am toying with the phrase Know Grace, as a reminder, and a warning. I need to let grace guide my life a little more than I do. Next is placement, and how I want it to look, and if it will be in another language or not.

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It's time for bed.

I had to take Felicia to the emergency vet when I got home on Sunday night because she was drooling excessively and had trouble walking. The vet didn't see anything wrong besides the drooling and I didn't feel like spending $450 on tests that probably wouldn't show anything, so I took her home. Poor thing didn't move from her spot on my bed all night and when I woke up she was still in rough shape. She didn't want to eat or drink and was really disoriented.

Abby was acting really weird and hissing at me like crazy so I packed both of them up and off we went to my regular vet. The vet found that Felicia had ulcers on her tongue, probably from chewing on electrical wires (my cat is SMART), and that was causing the drooling and discomfort. They gave her some pain meds and antibiotics and pumped her full of fluids, and I may have to feed her wet food through a medicine stopper if she doesn't start eating on her own. Hopefully it won't come to that as even the vet tech didn't have much success feeding her that way.

I put out some wet food but she didn't seem into it. She's zoinked out beside me from the pain meds, I'm gonna try and get the antibiotics in her while she's all doped up. She's already seeming like her old self, following me around and stuff, so hopefully in a few days she'll be back tomorrow. I have to look for the wire she was chewing on and make sure she didn't do too much damage.

The whole thing cost me over $500. Yikes. And $100 of that was for the emergency room visit in which the doctor didn't see THE ULCERS ON HER TONGUE. Ugh. I have half a mind to call and demand my money back but I think it would be a moot point. He still examined her. Annoying.

I feel bad because I've been thinking lately about how I'm never home to give them the attention they deserve and wondering if maybe I shouldn't put them up for adoption. They keep peeing on stuff, be in the bathroom mat or the mat near the door or just outside their litter. I think it's a behavioral thing and so does the vet; I just don't know how to fix it. I can't not work. It hurts my heart to think about giving them up but I can't have my house smell like cat piss all the time. It's disgusting. I wish an easy solution would present itself but I don't think it's going to.

It's been a crappy couple of days. I am going to go to bed and hope that tomorrow is better!

Today sucked. Next please.

And now my TiVo isn't fucking working.

I AM SO GODDAMN SICK OF THIS SHIT.

Honestly I don't know how much more I can take. If I call them tomorrow and they can't help me, I don't know what I'm going to do. It says it's recorded my shows but then when I go to watch them it's just a black screen. Someone with TiVo know what the fuck is going on?

I am on sensory overload and this kind of shit always happens to me and I just want, for once, something to work the way it's supposed to in my life. I swear to God, everything is hooked up the way it's supposed to be and this should work and I am going to flip the fuck out if it doesn't.

NOT AMUSED.

Some asshole smashed my left rear window sometime between Saturday night and Monday morning. Why no, I didn't need that $200 I spent fixing it. Thanks, you fucker. At least you didn't take my stereo or my iPod dock. What was the point, then?

Where are the Cylons when you need em?

I knew I should have fucking stayed in. I had this feeling, and I thought it was just me being anti-social, but no. Some part of me knew something was going to happen. I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE. LA just had to fuck me one last time. I swear to Christ, if Adam wasn't flying out and the Vegas thing wasn't booked, I would leave right now. I AM DONE.

My car got towed tonight. Because apparently there was a sign, even though it was blocked by a huge piece of equipment, and I was half an hour late and goodbye all the money I made today, it was fun for the whole 6 hours we were together. I was going to just pay for parking but I thought no, I'm not paying $15 for parking, that's ridiculous. AND HERE I AM, $150 IN THE FUCKING HOLE. Plus the $65 parking ticket I got.

OH MY GOD I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE.

AND I didn't even get drunk tonight, AND this ruined the great evening Danielle and I had at dinner and then at Tony's club. And I have a splitting headache, and not even the fact that Dave Navarro checked us out or we were chatted up by Dennis Rodman helps. I hate this day, and I hate myself, and I am so, so done.

What can you do? It was my own fucking fault, that's what hurts so much. UGH. I HATE THIS.

I'm going to go watch Veronica Mars.

I HATE EVERYONE.

Especially people with penises.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to even WATCH A MOVIE in this fucking city because it is so fucking LOUD and relentless and I cannot hear a word even with the volume cranked. If it's not a loud car or motorcycle parading down the street it's people yammering really loudly as they head wherever it is they're heading (who taught them to walk and talk at the same time? Seriously.).

And I swear to God if that fucking helicopter circles overhead ONE MORE TIME I am going to LOSE IT.

WHAT THE FUCK. SHUT UP, LA. I am just trying to enjoy some Battlestar Galactica and you keep fucking with it.

Seriously. I want to kill someone right now.

UGH.

I am pissed.