helikedmyshoes

I signed in to pole tonight because I really needed to go. I feel like everything is just out of control right now, between moving and the house being a mess and Adam and thinking about the future and what I want and what I need to do to get it (DATING sigh), and I just needed to go to class and be in control of my body and let the music take over.

It was amazing.

In the past few weeks I've really felt myself taking my dancing to a whole new level. Being upper level now means there are a ton more classes I can sub in to, which has been so beneficial. Because my class on Sunday was so small, I never really got a chance to watch anyone but 2 or 3 other girls dance, but in the last month or so I've taken a few make up classes with other upper levels and it's been so inspiring to watch and learn from them. I feel like I have so much more confidence in my dancing, like my body is finally my own after almost 9 months of this. This thing has been gestating inside and now it's finally starting to come out.

My teacher tonight, Michelle, told me my dancing is incredibly rich. She wants me to play around and flirt a little more, try out new things like shoes and outfits, really take it to another level. I'm excited to try it out. I love my regular teacher Julie, but I wish she'd give us feedback like I've had the other teachers do. I don't just want her to ask me how it felt, I want her to tell me what she saw, what she wants to see, what else I can do to improve. I'm gonna ask her if she can start, I feel like I'm at the point where I need that because I want to keep getting better.

I've finally started to feel comfortable enough to do inverted tricks during the dances. I did a snake dive and a pole cat tonight, took me a little while to get the rhythm of it but I finally have pole cat down (it's kinda like an upside down pushup on the pole. IT'S HARD). The Level 5 tricks are really going to test me because I'm still working on my flexibility. I know I'm so much more flexible now than when I started, it's just going to be something that I have to keep working on.

I used the song Daisy by Brand New tonight and it was so amazing. One of these days I'd like to video a dance and put it up. The song was short but it's got a grittiness to it that I really love. And the lyrics are amazing.

I'm a mountain that has been moved
I'm a river that is all dried up
I'm an ocean nothing floats on
I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in
I'm a sun that doesn't burn hot
I'm a moon that never shows its face
I'm a mouth that doesn't smile
I'm a word that no one ever wants to say...

[Child Speaking]
I don't wanna be,
He wasn't finding anybody when he was on the shelf
I saw him in my dream

I'm a mountain that has been moved
I'm a fugitive that has no legs to run
I'm a preacher with no pulpit
Spewing a sermon that goes on and on...

Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast
And we'll pray that they turn into seeds, to roots and then grass
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way
Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain
Like he knew it was time to start things over again
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way

Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast
And we'll pray that they turn into seeds, to roots and then grass
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way
Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain
Like he knew it was time to start things over again
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way

Anyway, that's the kind of mood I was in tonight. I feel like a contradiction, I feel like I'm a bird who's been told I'm a fish. I feel like my destiny isn't mine own and I have to get it back. I'm trying to take it back little by little.

I really need a pole dancing icon...