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The entire right side of my chest from throat to beneath my ribcage is KILLING ME, every time I inhale and exhale it feels like someone is shoving a knife in and splitting me open. It almost feels as though something is lodged in it, like when you get a hard candy stuck in the back of your throat. I have no health insurance - I can't go to the doctor. This has never happened before, I have no idea what could be causing it. I was crying when Adam woke up, out of pain and exhaustion and frustration.
The pain woke me up at around 5:30, after I'd fallen asleep at 4 following a night at work that got progressively worse as it unfolded, climaxing rather spectacularly with two of my three tables not leaving me a penny and a girl getting hit by a car outside the club. And now I can't breathe, and I am supposed to go in to the new bar I hope to start working in today at 4 to work the Rose Bowl game. I am running on an hour and a half of sleep, can't breathe, and am going to have words with my boss later today about what happened last night.
Happy effin New Year.
(I really hope it gets better from here.)
As for 2006, I will first do what I do every year and quote Tori:
they say you were something in those formative years
hold onto nothing as fast as you can!-
well.
still.
pretty good year.
2006 had a lot of heights and a lot of lows that balanced each other out pretty perfectly. There was my nightmarish 2 job no sleep no happiness months which led to lots of vacations and seeing the people I love as mch as I could. There was LA that taught me so much, including that it's okay to change your mind and that changing your mind doesn't mean giving up, which led to Chicago and being 23 which is older than 22 but makes me feel younger and freer. There was work work work for nine months straight, six of those nine working 80 hours a week, which led to not working at all for three months straight and feeling younger and freer.
That's how I would catalog 2006 - the year of balance, of misery and happiness, of figuring out how to be an adult and a kid at the same time, of standing up for myself and saying "this is what I'm doing now and I don't care if you don't like it." I started out living this year for other people and ended it living for me, on my own terms, and I am very proud of myself. I feel older and wiser and a little more peaceful.
There really is something about misery that motivates me, and the levels I can endure go deeper than what my love life has put me through, in a different way; a place where there's not just one person to blame, which makes it a place that I can claw my way out of by making changes and not having to rely on someone else to decide the fate of my world. I think that is a very important lesson - there are things in the world bigger than love. That's one of the most important things LA taught me: things that can hurt me don't always involve the boys I love. My view can get awfully narrow sometimes, and I am thankful for this new persepctive.
2006 was a good year despite, or maybe because of, all that. But that's the way it goes, isn't it? You can't truly appreciate something until you've been without it.
I will never regret moving to LA and am thankful for all it taught me. But man. It's good to be out.
So long, 2006. And thanks for all the fish.
The pain woke me up at around 5:30, after I'd fallen asleep at 4 following a night at work that got progressively worse as it unfolded, climaxing rather spectacularly with two of my three tables not leaving me a penny and a girl getting hit by a car outside the club. And now I can't breathe, and I am supposed to go in to the new bar I hope to start working in today at 4 to work the Rose Bowl game. I am running on an hour and a half of sleep, can't breathe, and am going to have words with my boss later today about what happened last night.
Happy effin New Year.
(I really hope it gets better from here.)
As for 2006, I will first do what I do every year and quote Tori:
hold onto nothing as fast as you can!-
well.
still.
pretty good year.
2006 had a lot of heights and a lot of lows that balanced each other out pretty perfectly. There was my nightmarish 2 job no sleep no happiness months which led to lots of vacations and seeing the people I love as mch as I could. There was LA that taught me so much, including that it's okay to change your mind and that changing your mind doesn't mean giving up, which led to Chicago and being 23 which is older than 22 but makes me feel younger and freer. There was work work work for nine months straight, six of those nine working 80 hours a week, which led to not working at all for three months straight and feeling younger and freer.
That's how I would catalog 2006 - the year of balance, of misery and happiness, of figuring out how to be an adult and a kid at the same time, of standing up for myself and saying "this is what I'm doing now and I don't care if you don't like it." I started out living this year for other people and ended it living for me, on my own terms, and I am very proud of myself. I feel older and wiser and a little more peaceful.
There really is something about misery that motivates me, and the levels I can endure go deeper than what my love life has put me through, in a different way; a place where there's not just one person to blame, which makes it a place that I can claw my way out of by making changes and not having to rely on someone else to decide the fate of my world. I think that is a very important lesson - there are things in the world bigger than love. That's one of the most important things LA taught me: things that can hurt me don't always involve the boys I love. My view can get awfully narrow sometimes, and I am thankful for this new persepctive.
2006 was a good year despite, or maybe because of, all that. But that's the way it goes, isn't it? You can't truly appreciate something until you've been without it.
I will never regret moving to LA and am thankful for all it taught me. But man. It's good to be out.
So long, 2006. And thanks for all the fish.
