You guys have GOT to do this!
Jan. 30th, 2003 02:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
helikedmyshoeshttp://www.sause.net/Springer/Springer-female.html
Squeeness! This totally made my night.
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Serena is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of hers Maria. So everyone please put your hands together for Serena!
Jerry: Okay, now Serena you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
Serena: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
Serena: Adam.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Adam, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Serena, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Rob!
Serena: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere, Serena pulls out a sword. Rob reaches for the bed. Out of the shadows Matt appears.
Matt: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Rob.
Rob: Because I saw Serena and Matt making out at the Dining Hall!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Matt: That's a lie! I was home watching Buffy!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Rob?
Rob: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Maria who has recently become engaged to Matt.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Maria out here because Serena had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Adam that's right!
Maria: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards Serena) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Adam! You know I'm how I feel about Adam!.
Matt: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Adam!
Maria: Because I knew that I could never have Adam. But Serena promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Matt: What about respect for MY feelings!
Rob walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Maria.
Rob: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Matt: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Matt runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
Matt: Serena take me away from all of this!
Serena: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Matt: Married?
Serena nods.
Matt: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
Serena: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Adam.
Maria: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an inquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Adam: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 18 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Serena is married to Adam who Maria has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Maria has recently become engaged to Matt who was recently spotted kissing Serena in the the Dining Hall. Now on top of this Rob has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Maria.
Adam: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.
Squeeness! This totally made my night.
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Serena is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of hers Maria. So everyone please put your hands together for Serena!
Jerry: Okay, now Serena you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
Serena: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
Serena: Adam.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Adam, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Serena, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Rob!
Serena: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere, Serena pulls out a sword. Rob reaches for the bed. Out of the shadows Matt appears.
Matt: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Rob.
Rob: Because I saw Serena and Matt making out at the Dining Hall!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Matt: That's a lie! I was home watching Buffy!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Rob?
Rob: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Maria who has recently become engaged to Matt.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Maria out here because Serena had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Adam that's right!
Maria: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards Serena) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Adam! You know I'm how I feel about Adam!.
Matt: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Adam!
Maria: Because I knew that I could never have Adam. But Serena promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Matt: What about respect for MY feelings!
Rob walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Maria.
Rob: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Matt: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Matt runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
Matt: Serena take me away from all of this!
Serena: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Matt: Married?
Serena nods.
Matt: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
Serena: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Adam.
Maria: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an inquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Adam: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 18 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Serena is married to Adam who Maria has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Maria has recently become engaged to Matt who was recently spotted kissing Serena in the the Dining Hall. Now on top of this Rob has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Maria.
Adam: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.
